so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
