I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
