By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
