He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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