The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
