i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
