so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
