That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
