Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
