i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
