How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
