sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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