Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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