it hurts more in the daytime
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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