take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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