We won't sleep together?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
me + whiskey = a bad person
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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