i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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