My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
