I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
