This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
