I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
the raccoons are back...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
