Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
