Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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