my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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