My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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