OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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