if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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