my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
