it hurts more in the daytime
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
