Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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