Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
What a dumb baby whore.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
