hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
