is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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