I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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