Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
