i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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