another moral hangover. fuck.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Couch. On fire.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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