dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
