I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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