yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
