So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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