all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
