Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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