ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
