His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
