he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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