he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
