To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
