If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
