If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
