I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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