the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
